The Night I Prayed

Disclaimer:  Amanda- DO NOT READ any further!
Haley DO NOT READ any further!
Everyone else can proceed with caution but be warned I am sure this will contain a lot of raw emotions. I have refrained from putting some of this information on paper because of the pain it causes me and but at this point I just want to get it all out in an attempt to try to not let these thoughts and images cause such sadness and pain.

If you are not aware or can’t figure out what I am talking about today July 13th is the anniversary of the wreck that kill precious baby Remington Lee.

The weather was much like it is right now, stormy with heavy rain at points. I remember a lot about that night or should I say I have tried to forget a lot about that night. Matt and I had a disagreement about something stupid, I have no clue what it was but I remember I was upset as I went to bed. I had laid out clothes for the next day as I was supposed to work at the nursing home half a day. Haley was going to watch the kids. I answered the phone to Amanda crying “I killed my son, I killed my son”  I do remember telling her that I NEVER wanted to hear those words again.  The clock read 10:15, I quickly got dressed, explained to Matt that Amanda had wrecked and head to find her. I didn’t even know where I was headed, as I turned on to Beck’s Church road, I called back the number on my cell phone to find out where she was. I was so disoriented at that time, I had to ask the kind person on the other end of the phone how do I get there.  I remember as I passed under the stoplight of Beck’s Church Road, the song “Jesus is a Rock in a Weary Land” ran through my mind and I had a peace that can not be explained.  I don’t remember anything else about the ride to the accident scene but I was driving Matt’s company van, and I left my keys with a Firefighter who could not figure out  how to crank and move the van. My brother, after waking up and explaining what was going on to my parents brought my dad to the hospital. When asked how he could help, I sent he and my father to retrieve the van, that is how I found out that it had not been moved.  I will never forget looking at Amanda’s car, when I had arrived it had been flipped up on it wheels; however the windshield remained intact except for a small hole at the top of the passenger’s side. I have always been grateful that this was really not seen by Amanda. When the car was towed, the windshield cracked to the point it was unrecognizable. I could not give you a timeframe of how long I was present before they located Remington, however I do remember that on several occasions during the time on the scene, we were asked if they could call our pastor or the Chaplin, to help pray with us.  I have never been one to pray out loud in fact I usually avoid it at all cost but this night, I knew that I needed to pray, I didn’t care who heard me or what I said, I was talking with my Savior.  I also remember telling Amanda that we are so lucky to know and understand that we don’t need someone to help us pray/talk to God, we have an open door of communication. One thing that I still don’t understand but remember distinctly is that at one point as I was walking and praying around the ambulance, I heard a baby cry….  When they decided to transport him, I knew that I was not letting Amanda out of my sight, so I informed the state trooper that I was riding with them.  I am going to end at this point with the powerful message that has been a comfort for these past three years. First as the state trooper opened the door, his radio was the loudest I have ever heard a radio being played, the station K-Love.  As we travelled to the hospital, I distinctly remember the song “My Savior Loves” was on the radio, I see in my mind, my daughter, Remmington’s mother, with her hands raised in praise to God, singing this song.  We did talk with the state trooper and I even asked him how we could pray for him. Yes, I am praying out loud again and this would not be the last time either.  His request was that we pray for his family as well because “most people forget that we are people too.”  I have been praying and will continue to pray not only for this state trooper but for all because they are people and must remain professional no matter the circumstance.

One thought on “The Night I Prayed

  1. I was so sorry to read about your loss. Thankfully God was with you and provided a sense of comfort in such a chaotic time. Hope that healing is happening in your lives as you try to deal with this grief. Dee

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